What Will It Mean To Be Old Two Decades Into the 21st Century?

The 21st century will revolutionize aging, according to author Reginald Stackhouse. In his new book, The Coming Age Revolution (Warwick Publishing Inc.), Stackhouse writes that the coming storm will radicalize the world's assumptions about aging. This social revolution will rewrite rules and move boundaries for men and women moving past middle age in the next 20 years.

Reginald Stackhouse is principal emeritus at Wycliffe College, University of Toronto. He has authored nine books, six written since he turned 65.

The 21st century will be a different time to grow older. And, in The Coming Age Revolution, Stackhouse shows how older people are going to stay part of the action in love, work, health, money and power.

On love: "In the coming age revolution, sex will be too important to be left only to the young," writes Stackhouse. "After all, sexuality does not take early retirement at 55, or late retirement at 75." And increasing longevity means people are thinking more about what they want to do with their middle and late years. A willingness to end unsatisfactory relationships will result in more older adults cohabitating, as well as remarrying.

On work: Retirement will be voluntary, flexible and partial. By 2026, the number of people working to the number of fully retired people will decrease from five to one to only three to one.

Age myths: "They're all alike," "They can't learn anything new" and "They're all desexed." These ageist myths dehumanize older people by forcing men and women into an undifferentiated lump that denies their individuality. But not for much longer, Stackhouse contends: "The coming age revolution will give society an injection of new life."

But don't sit around waiting for governments or legislators to get the ball rolling, he warns. This revolution will come from the bottom up, as older people reject current assumptions about age, rethink their role, and decide to live differently. It's a tall order in a culture that values youth. But, according to Stackhouse, "a revolution can only come when older people refuse to sit on the sidelines and refuse to expect special consideration because of age."

In a way, his point is expressed in Marcel Proust's Remembrance of Things Past: "We do not receive wisdom. We must discover it for ourselves after a journey through the wilderness, which no one else can make for us, which no one can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world."

Protecting Our Planet: Honouring the Seven Generations

This we know: The Earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the Earth. All things are connected like to blood that connects us all. Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

- Chief Seattle

The present generation will decide the future of the planet, according to Australian scientist Tim Flannery.

In his authoritative and groundbreaking new book, The Weather Makers (HarperCollins Canada), Flannery lays out scientific evidence and calls for action. He untangles the meanings of "greenhouse effect," "global warming" and "climate change." He explains their connections and points to human beings as the weather makers.

In a March 2006 interview, the internationally acclaimed environmentalist told CBC's Quirks & Quarks host, Bob McDonald, he was skeptical when he began work on a book about climate change. But now that he's reviewed the evidence, he's deeply concerned and convinced that our planet's changing quickly and changing for the worse. Nonetheless, he believes with immediate action, we can still meet the challenge for future generations.

Flannery spells out steps that individuals can take to combat climate change. For an 11-step personal action plan, please visit: www.theweathermakers.com.

Elderwomen of the World Unite: Interview

Ruth Dempsey: You have written on topics ranging from wellness, stress management and spirituality to environmental issues, organic food and alternative technologies. Why a book about women and old age?

Marian McCain: I love to write on topics, which have heart and meaning for me - things which are highly significant in my own life. All those things you listed have been, and still are, very important to me. So is getting old. I'm enjoying it, and I find the whole process quite fascinating.

You know how, when you are planning a trip to some place you haven't been before, you go to the bookstore or the library and look for a travel guide? In my mid-sixties, I knew I was entering new territory, and I wanted Fodor's Guide to Old Womanhood. And it had to be the latest edition. For in many ways, being an old woman in the 21st century is new territory for all of us, not just for me. But there wasn't one. So I decided to explore this new territory and write my own guidebook, just as I had done for menopause, twelve years earlier. That's why I often describe Elderwoman as a trail guide for the third age journey.

RD: In your work, you recall growing up in England, as the bombs dropped around you. How do these events shape your experience of aging today, or do they?

MM: There are two things that come immediately to mind. One is that since the men were away at war, I spent those wartime years in a world populated mostly by women, strong, coping women. And since all younger women were drafted into the workforce, it was the older ones - my grandmother and her sisters - who loomed largest in my life. They, too, did their bit for the war effort, growing food for their families, knitting socks for soldiers, caring for grandchildren while the mothers worked and being towers of strength for everyone else. They were resourceful, energetic, creative, optimistic and compassionate old women. They were my earliest models for old age.

Secondly, experiencing that era when almost everything was scarce, including food, taught me that happiness isn't connected with being able to buy stuff. I learned to appreciate thrift and simplicity and homemade, homegrown things. So I've never had any fear about living on a small pension, as I do now.

RD: The book suggests that when we awaken to the call of Elderhood, we become aware of new ways of being in the world. Can you speak to me about these new ways?

MM: Some of those new ways are really old ways rediscovered, for there was a time, a few hundred years ago, when old women played a very important role in the life of every community. They were the healers, the midwives, and the storehouses of folk wisdom. Now I'm not suggesting that we all have to qualify as herbalists or spend our time delivering babies and laying out dead bodies. But there are ways in which we need to reclaim our "wise woman" selves and our role as society's elders. Those ways will, of course, be different for each one of us, depending on our abilities and inclinations, our personalities, preferences and passions, our circumstances and personal styles.

I see old age not as a decline but as the ultimate expression of our womanhood. If our youth was our budding and the middle years our flowering, then old age is our fruiting. What we have to offer, in these later years, is the ripe fruit of ourselves, in whatever form that takes.

It's not that we have to be forced or self-conscious about it. We simply have to be authentically who we are, with the conscious intention of doing our part as full members of our society. That part may be campaigning, writing a book, answering a grandchild's questions, saying a prayer or chaining yourself to some railings - it doesn't matter. It is the attitude and the intention which matter. It's about not just coping with old age but using it to grow into your full, complete self - a unique old, wise, wonderful woman.

RD: Creativity appears to be one of your most compelling characteristics. Whether working in your kitchen or in your garden, preparing a workshop or writing a book, creativity is evident in all you do. Can you talk to me about creativity and aging?</p>

MM: I think of creativity as a universal force rather than a personal characteristic. The Universe is amazingly and magnificently creative, and this huge work of creation appears to be ongoing. New stars are still being born. People love to speculate, theorize - and often argue - about how, why and precisely when it all got started. But one thing we all agree on is that it's awesome.

Since we are all part of this awesome Universe, we are all part of its creativity, whether consciously or not. My body is creating new cells even as I sit here at my computer. So I think that what we refer to as personal creativity is really just the degree to which each of us is able to hook into that universal, creative force. Like a San Francisco cable car hooking on to the cable, it carries us along. The trouble is, some of us have our hooks bent and broken when we are young, making it more difficult to connect to that cable.

My own experience of aging is that the older I get, the more aware I become of the interconnectedness of everything. The more connected I feel, the easier it is to hook into universal processes like creativity.

RD: Elderwoman has been praised for its gentleness and for the sense of rightness and naturalness it brings to the whole process of aging. During the course of researching and writing the book were there things that surprised you about what you found?

MM: I like it that it is a gentle book. Gentleness is always connected, in my mind, with peacefulness, and I'm all for peace. It isn't a milquetoast kind of book though. Old age, like death, is not something you can smooth away. The Buddha, who was so gentle he wouldn't knowingly step on an ant, used to instruct his monks to sit in the charnel- grounds and contemplate corpses, so as to grasp the full reality of life, death and impermanence. In the same way, when a bird flew into my window one day and died, I left its body on the windowsill and watched it change, week by week, until - after many months - it was just a tiny handful of dust. Aligning ourselves with natural processes means all of them, not just the pretty ones.

But you asked me about surprises. I think what surprised me most was realizing just how all-pervasive ageism is in our culture. I hadn't really noticed it before. Once you start noticing ageist attitudes, ageist language etc., you discover ageism absolutely everywhere. So we all have a lot of work to do to stamp it out. Being called "old" is NOT an insult. By the same token, being told you don't look old isn't a compliment!! The website www.oldwomensproject.org gives some great examples of ageist remarks and some helpful hints for countering them and making people wake up to all the subtle ageism around us. I like that.

RD: According to the UN, one in ten people today is over the age of 60. By 2050 this proportion will have doubled to one in five. You see the numbers as an unprecedented opportunity for older adults to make a difference in the world. I wonder if you can give me some suggestions?

MM: Traditionally, in many societies, it was the elders who made all the important decisions. They were the ones who had the most knowledge, the longest memories and the greatest stores of skill and wisdom. But now, in our rapidly-changing, technological times, things have gotten a bit topsy-turvy. The old still have their wisdom and their accumulated skills, but the young often have more up-to-date knowledge. In this electronic, push-button world, many of the skills you and I have developed over a lifetime of practice are now considered redundant.

But what with global warming, environmental crisis and so on, modern Western lifestyles have become increasingly unsustainable. Since we older folk are the ones who still remember how to make-do and mend, how to cook, sew and scythe, how to save money, grow things and walk to the corner store, we are the people of the future. We are the ones who will truly know how to live when the oil runs out!

Meanwhile, I believe that it behooves us to stay informed, stay involved - in whatever way and at whatever level feels comfortable - with the larger society of which we are a part, and to keep learning, exploring, pondering, speaking out, sharing our wisdom and doing whatever we can to make the world a better place for future generations.

Whether it's writing letters for Amnesty International, marching with Code Pink (Women For Peace), planting trees, stuffing envelopes, networking online or having a bake sale, there is certainly plenty to do for those with the time, the inclination and the willingness to do it.

We'll all be "oldies" if we live long enough. But authenticity, attitude, intention, participation - to me, those are what turn you from "oldie" to "elder."

You can visit Marian Van Eyk McCain at: www.elderwoman.org.

The Butterfly Effect - One Small Step, A World of Difference

A growing body of evidence suggests older adults are redefining the second half of life as a source of social and individual renewal.

For instance, seven Canadians traveled to South Africa in 2000 to visit a friend. They came face-to-face with the impact of HIV/AIDS. They met many children infected or orphaned by the disease. Determined to act upon their return, they established the African AIDS Angels Project in Ottawa, Ont., and Victoria, B.C.

About the African AIDS Angels Project:

• It's a craft and education project in support of children infected or affected by HIV/AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa.
• The project aims to heighten awareness about the pandemic and to raise funds to support those affected by the disease.

About the angels:

• Every African AIDS Angel is unique and lovingly made. Each one is given a traditional African name for a child who has been infected or orphaned by AIDS. The name tag carries facts about HIV/AIDS in Africa. The selling price is kept to $5 to give as many people as possible an opportunity to contribute and become informed. Craft materials are all donated. The angels are sold at special events and at some shops in the community.
• Angel-makers meet biweekly throughout the year.
• The group also makes student presentations and arranges angel-making workshops.
• Where the money goes:
• All proceeds are sent directly to carefully-managed projects visited by the group or by reliable friends. Projects include orphanages, hospices and a hospital in sub-Saharan Africa. Over the past five years, the project has raised more than $150,000.

Want to get involved or start a group where you are? For details, please visit: www.AfricanAidsAngels.org.

Accompanying Our Parents Into Old Age

When journalist Judy Kramer's parents moved into a nursing home, she suddenly had to worry over the bills, learn the in's and out's of the health care system, assume power of attorney, deal with a host of bureaucratic complications and initiate painful conversations with her parents about how they wanted to die. And all this while working full-time and caring for a family.

In her book, Changing Places: A Journey With My Parents Into Their Old Age (Riverhead Books, NY), Kramer chronicles a clearheaded and intimate portrait of her parents' move to a nursing home to their deaths four years later and through the following two years, when she was still putting the pieces together.

"At times, traveling with my parents into their old age has felt like forced labour," she observes. "Often I have not wanted to go. But it gives me great satisfaction that we have dealt with the roadblocks, followed the detours, found the route, and made the trip together."

Kramer did not set out to advise readers on how to care for aging parents. Rather, she aimed to describe how it feels to do so. Yet, she provides many helpful hints.

Here are a few:

• Listening is a powerful medicine.
  
  
• Sharing insights with people who have gone through similar experiences is helpful.
  
  
• Be ready to experience a roller coaster of emotions. Fear when the phone rings, joy on discovering the perfect gift (such as using a music stand to stabilize books that shaky hands could no longer hold), frustration when responsibilities to parents conflict with obligations to the family.
  
  
• Learn to ask for what you need.
  
  
• Realize that families carry baggage on their journey together (anger, resentment, and hurt feelings).
  
  
• Some things can't be fixed and can only be lived through.
  
  
• Humour can frequently save the day (Kramer presented her mother with her repaired teeth on Mother's Day).
  
  
• There is no lonelier decision to make in this world than the one to allow a parent to die (even when they have talked clearly about their wishes and have left written directions).

Kramer also provides tips to her grown children:

• I am modeling the way I would like to be treated when I am old.
  
  
• Your relationship with your grandparents is your own. I won't tell you what to do.

Kramer's story began as a series of newspaper columns recording how she cared for her parents. It blossomed into a poignant book that plumbs the depths of the human spirit. As she observes, "My life changed forever in the process of helping each of my parents have as good a death as was possible."

Each time of life has its own kind of love.

                - Leo Tolstoy

On the Web

Retiring creatively: Looking for fresh ideas for your group? Check out Creative Retirement Manitoba. And while you are there, be sure to visit the Mural Project. Look for The Labyrinth of Lifelong Learning, a stunning intergenerational celebration of art and life. www.seniorscan.ca.

The Power of Hope: Since the time of the ancient Greeks, human beings have believed that hope is essential to life. Yet, it was a lesson Harvard Medical School Professor Jerome Groopman learned only after years on the front lines with patients fighting cancer and AIDS.

In The Anatomy of Hope, Groopman shares his experiences and highlights what researchers are finding as they unravel an authentic biology of hope.

To read his articles, visit: www.jeromegroopman.com

AHB invites comments and suggestions from our readers. Please send them to info@AgingHorizons.com. R.D. www.AgingHorizons.com